Time at which the kids will begin asking for Super Bowl snacks: Noon
Time at which we will give in and start giving them snacks: 12:15 p.m.
Number of times we will have to explain to Olivia that Paula Abdul, who will be performing during the pre-game show, was a “singer” before she was an American Idol judge: 10
How long we will bear with the pre-game performance: 2 minutes, or for half of Paula’s song, whichever comes first.
Number of nacho platters we will make before kick-off: 8 1/2 (Two each, except for Chiara, who will insist on her own platter but will switch to plain chips within seconds.)
Time at which Dennis will scream at the TV, “Just start the game”: 6 p.m.
Number of times Mary will comment on the fact that the Giants should never wear red jerseys because they just don’t look like the Giants: 4
Number of times Noah will ask the name of Eli Manning’s brother, something Dennis likens to asking the name of Dom DiMaggio’s brother: 3
Number of times Dennis will point out Tom Brady and ask Mary how it’s possible that she has never heard of someone who is a sex symbol and is apparently known to all other women everywhere: 3
Number of times we will have to mute the TV or change channels so the children are not subjected to overly sexualized commercials: 52
Number of times Mary will make anti-male comments about the overly sexualized commercials: 52
Number of times we won’t hit the clicker fast enough and will instead tell the kids to cover their eyes: 8
Loads of laundry that will be done during the game (from pre-game to finish): 6
Number of American Idol cross-promotions: 143
Time at which we will begin telling the kids that if they want to see the half-time show, they’d better get their pajamas on and be ready for bed: 7:42 p.m.
Time at which Mary will comment incredulously that we still haven’t reached half-time: 8 p.m.
Number of times Dennis and Mary will wonder why, of all people, Tom Petty (admittedly a legend) is the half-time act (Don’t get us wrong, we like Tom Petty, but what has he done for us lately?): 5
Number of times we will Google Tom Petty to see if there is any specific reason — a new album, a connection to Arizona, a relative on either team — that would warrant Tom Petty being the half-time act: 2
Number of times Mary will comment that being a kicker in a game-winning/losing situation has to be the most stressful job on the team: 3
Number of kickers Mary can actually name: 1 (Ali Haji-Sheikh)
Time at which Mary will give up on the game and go upstairs to read: 9 p.m.
Winning team: N.Y. Giants by 3 points.